Last night I spoke at a meeting of the Altus Sunset Rotary Club. Sometimes meetings like this are a snooze-fest, but with these folks, it was more of a party. There was great food and wine and loud laughter. A crew of all different ages and backgrounds, they don’t just do good in the world, they ARE the good. It oozes from them. I think I was hugged five times before I ever made it to my seat.
In this friendly environment, I felt safe even though I was nervous. I told them how weird public speaking is for me since I have a split personality. On tests like the Meyers-Briggs I am always the anomaly, the one stuck in the dead center between introvert and extrovert, melancholy and sanguine. The difficulty is I’m never exactly sure which version is going to show up.
Some scenarios are predictable. When I’m in front of the classroom, for instance, the extrovert usually takes over. I become passionate about my subject and feel in command of my voice and love to engage my students. Oftentimes that takes so much out of me, however, that when class is over all I want to do is scurry back to my office and hide to write or read or eat almond M&Ms.
The Rotary Club didn’t ask me to speak about Shakespeare. They wanted to hear about my books and the writing craft, which was so nice of them. But it’s also the hardest stuff to discuss, because writer me is the introvert me. 
The Rotarians were so kind and endured my speech gracefully. Then one guy asked me a question that really made me think. I’m still thinking about it this morning. He asked, “What inspires you?”
There are so many cookie cutter answers to this question. So many rainbows and unicorns. So many legitimately inspirational people and verses and books that come to mind. But what I told him truly is the essence of why I write, why I’m here this morning in front of the computer, typing this love letter to the world and hoping it connects with someone. Life inspires me when I let it, when I invite it. When I’m still enough to be present in my own life, paying attention to its beauty and imperfection. The funny things my kids say. A raindrop on a leaf. My dad’s texts. Stretch marks. My students. Fog over the river. My nieces skipping down the path. Writing forces me to be still and let Life inspire me.
What inspires you? Click To Tweet
Gwen, I love this, especially the part about being dead middle between introvert and extrover. We should come up for a name for that. And I agree, showing up and paying attention feeds inspiration. Being in nature, around art, in the presence of other creative people also helps. I think a grateful heart fits in there somewhere too. Thanks for writing this.
Marla,
One of my other friends commented on Facebook that he believes it is incorrect to think of the two things as exclusive of each other, but instead that we manifest different qualities in different situations. In other words, it’s perfectly normal to be an introverted extrovert. Not sure there is science to support that, but any time someone suggests I may be normal after all I’ll take it! And I love your ideas on inspiration. Surely a grateful heart is the foundation of it all.
My beautiful wife!
I love hearing what inspires writers! And congrats on your bravery in explaining your split personality! I can relate!
Thank you Ellen! If you can relate then I’m in good company. I’d love to know what inspires you as well. You seem to be really good at paying attention to life. Hugs.
I. Love. YOu.
and this !!!
so cool,
SO very, VERY cool!
🙂 {just like you, my lovely love}
You inspire me!
Gwen, interesting comments about split personas. I’ve always tended to a hermit, and have always been skeptical of life-of-the-party folks who tell me they are closet introverts. For example, one gregarious colleague has told me he would actually prefer to work in solitude. However, I once saw this colleague burst into an impromptu and decidedly showy dance move at a school event, and I thought to myself, “No self-respecting introvert would be caught dead shuffling his feet in public like that.” But maybe, like you, he is bipersona.
Bipersona is such a nice term. I like it. So much nicer than freak of nature. Thanks for reading and commenting, Melancholydreamer. Hope to see you here again!